I wonder if you’d do something for me, clap your hands a few times. Now, did the fingers on your right hand hit your left palm, or was it the other way around?? Now that this is brought to your attention clap your hands again but this time make yourself clap with your non dominant hand….It feels weird right? It takes conscious effort to do it because it’s something you’re not used to. You can clap your hands successfully without even thinking about it because you’ve done it for so long. Most of you probably had to clap again after I asked which hand hit which palm because you probably didn’t even realize. Was it a bit odd and uncomfortable? Our thoughts are the same way. We become accustomed to the way our mind works and the way we process things so we think that’s the only way it can be done. Changing your thoughts takes conscious effort, just like using your non dominant hand, but over time it begins to feel more “normal”. It’s okay if some old thoughts still slip through. Just forgive yourself and move on knowing that you’ll regain your focus to your new thoughts again. Changing our thought pattern is a chore, and not an easy one. I encourage you to be kind to yourself and don’t beat yourself if you accidentally “clap with your dominant hand”. You’ve done it for so long that it’s second nature, but you CAN change that. You have the ability to do that right now! Is it uncomfortable? Absolutely! Is it difficult to do at first? Yup! But that doesn’t mean you can’t continually do it which will eventually result in a permanently changed habit! I believe in you and know you can do this! Keep going! Don’t give up!
Why are we afraid of commitment? Because when we commit to something it means we have to deliver. When we commit to a marriage, to a relationship, to a job, to a promise to someone, it means we have to get results. If we don’t then there are negative consequences. If we don’t deliver on our commitments then it means there will be broken hearts and hurt feelings. When we tell someone, “Oh I’ll try my best to do that” what you’re really saying is, “I’m afraid to commit to that but I’ll attempt it.” That way, you can do so without expectation of deliverance or results. But when you say this you are also saying, “This is not important enough for me to commit to and I’d still like the option of an excuse to get out of it.” “I’ll try” is your escape clause in the agreement!
When we fully commit to something then that means that there are no excuses! What we are really afraid of isn’t commitment at all, it’s the risk of failure. You’re afraid that relationship won’t work out, so you don’t commit. You’re afraid you won’t succeed at your new job, so you don’t commit. Then when you do fail at the job, or your relationship falls apart we ask ourselves why. It’s because the moment you refused to commit to it you set into motion the outcome you eventually received. If you decide to try for the promotion, but don’t go for it 110% then you may as well hang it up. When you refuse to commit then you begin to make room for excuses as to why it didn’t happen! “Well my boss doesn’t like me, my coworker was better, etc” You must give yourself permission to fail, but don’t you dare give yourself permission to never try! Your actions in life will show what you’re willing to commit to, they will show what’s important to you. If something is difficult then push through it. If it’s inconvenient, then do it while being uncomfortable. When you commit to something there will be things that happen that you can’t control or didn’t plan. When you allow those things to control the outcome you place their importance above that of what you were trying to commit to. But when those things do happen, when unexpected obstacles come up, how will you move past them? Don’t let them stop you. Keep going! Get creative with your results. Some of my clients will be stuck at an obstacle and say, “I don’t know what to do!” My response is, “Okay, but if you did know what to do what would it be?” That opens up possibilities that you may not have thought about. It makes your brain work differently than it was before. You have to be willing to get into the ring and fight those things that try to stop you from reaching your goals. Even if you think you can’t win, as long as you attempt to fight you may very well surprise yourself!
Even if you’re afraid of something do NOT let it stop you from reaching your goals. If your goals are big enough, and important enough, then no excuse will be good enough for you to not reach that goal. Do you REALLY want to save your marriage? Do you REALLY want that new job? Do you REALLY want that success? Then refuse to accept excuses and move forward prepared to fight however you have to in order to succeed.